Lella Grace


Lella Grace, this is a letter barbara has written to a friend that is no longer with us.

Lella Grace

Lella Grace – In the last two weeks I haven’t been able to speak to anyone about my feelings, nor to write anything, now I took the courage, and I’m finally letting out my thoughts.

I knew you since long time, but I only really knew your heart and mind recently. From that point on I never stopped dreaming about spending more time with you, never forgetting the happiness and freedom I felt the evening I met you by chance, and the potential of the two of us combined.


I wanted to be closer to you than I possibly could, I chose you to guide me, or to walk beside me, because I saw only you would know it all, fully understanding what I was able to invent or see above the horizon. You confirmed all my theories, you just knew them all by instinct. My dreams Lella were with you in the picture.

My sorrow is so real now, my silence and loneliness so deep. I never experienced such cold and wordless dismay.

I must say that there are some people I consider useless and potentially harmful for this society, and yet they are still here, they will never die, while you left. You, my friend, my inspiration, my hope, have left discreetely without a nuisance. I find this to be a terrible injustice.

I wanted to meet new people with you, yes, a new life was around the corner and you were one of the actors in the scene, you knew about its existence, I could spot it in your eyes: you drew a sort of a rainbow in the air while you you were talking to me, it had a profound lightness. Take my plan as a way of taking you away from where I found you, which wasn’t so great (not to my eyes) but what did you think of it? Take it as an attempt by me to save you, which was exactly what I wanted to do, and I am sorry I came too late.

Your smile was simply excellent while you walked away from the mean ties of your life, nothing would trick you any more, no more lies, or false dreams in a bottle. The very truth was in front of you, nobody could trap you again, you were distant miles away from the many conventions, enclosures, and stupidities of all times and places. You exceeded all the many dead ends, and shined in the process.

You had travelled all the roads my dear, so you were one step close to that so clean new direction to take on, the direction of “no fools no more”, I was ready to fly with you bypassing the many monstrous heads that infested our too similar lives.

No more weird labyrinths, every free spirit like you sooner or later gets entangled into some sort of dead spiral, but you knew, you finally looked at me as if you saw the much wider possibilities of your existence: the way you were could let you quickly out of all the rotten misleading corners of this gloomy double sided planet.

Too much compassion Lella, you gave too much consideration or respect to those who were not standing beside you as you thought, you measured too many people with your own units. You would want to turn a looser into a prince, your heart was too great. And I don’t know if yours was a sacrifice or if it was only fate that decided to meet you.
I’ll keep this doubt forever. I am capable of questioning my thoughts and beliefs as well as understanding that you may have known better than me what love is. Love for others. As I survived, I finally came to know what self love is.

That night you only went back home towards the life you had spent up to that point, because you knew there was no time left for you, the road was marked, and yet I was still hoping for your life, I wouldn’t believe the truth. I was waiting for you to open the bright door: you waved at me with a smile.

Would it be a good gesture to bring you back? To take you back in good health devoid of pain.
What am I going to do without you. Tomorrow is another day, and I am still here drawing rainbows in the air, greeting the sun, flying with only one wing.

All of my love to you.


Lella Grace

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